Friday, May 15, 2009

The Many Faces of Bacon

Let me first state that I don't eat pork. But it seems to me that bacon is like an all purpose food. People put bacon in damn near everything and I mean EVERYTHING. As a person who doesn't eat pork, sometimes its hard to find simple things without the bacon or pork. For instance, I once went to Dairy Queen and ordered a grilled chicken salad. It had bacon on it. I called to asked why is there bacon on a chicken salad, and the lady told me thats just how their salads come. (?????) Another time, I was at a club and ordered a chicken sandwich. When they brought it out, there were 4 strips of chicken and two thick slices of country ham. Again, I asked why is there ham on a chicken sandwich, and again, I got the same response: thats how THEY make them.

So anyways, every now and again, I see unusual things that have bacon in them. I figured, somebody has to be buying this stuff cause its everywhere. So I decided to compile this list for the bacon lover. You might find a new favorite from this. These are actual edible food dishes and products. Just google them if you dont believe me.

Bacon Baklava
Bacon Chocolate
Bacon Chocolate Chip Cookies
Bacon and Peanut Butter Sandwich
Maple Bacon Lollipops
Maple Bacon Cake
Maple Bacon Buttercream
Bacon Mayo ("Baconaisse")
Bacon Salt
Bacon Bread
Bacon Wrapped Tofu/Tofurkey (why???)
Bacon Ice Cream
Chicken Fried Bacon
Bacon Toffee
Gummy Bacon
Bacon Flavored Toothpicks
Bacon Vodka (seriously)
Bacon Gum
Bacon Lip Balm
Bacon Brittle

And it doesn't stop there but I have to cause this list is turning my stomach.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

DJs Shouldn't Have Mics

I thought the job of a DJ is to spin records, make the crowd dance. Why is it that nowadays, DJs get a mic and think they can run their mouths over the music? And they don't wanna talk about music, they wanna talk about anything and everything besides music! There is this one DJ, who I won't name for 2 reasons: first, he's not worth it; second, I can't remember anyways so he ain't nobody special. This dude is all over the music talking about he's better than any DJ in America when you can tell he hasn't even DJ-ed outside the south side of Atlanta! He said something about the many names he has that were all given to him as if thats supposed to mean something. Dude, nobody can even remember you by any of those names so who cares???? Then he wanna talk about some text message he just got. Negro, can you please shut the hell up and play the damn music. Hell, the music he's playing is garbage to begin with but I damn sure don't wanna hear your monkey ass interrupting the music about bullshit. Your job is the play music. You're not the host of the show so nobody wants to listen to you. You weren't hired to be a comedian to keep them lame ass dry ass jokes to yourself. Nobody is laughing but you. And let's be real. REAL DJS spin wax records not plastic CDs! You do know they still make and sell records for any music that is put on CD? And since we're being real, you ain't worth no million bucks DJing in a dark corner of a hole in the wall club. The club don't even have a booth, so you have get a table and a desk lamp and an extension cord running from the kitchen. And you ain't even mixing the music, just skipping to the next song. It sounds more like a mixed cd is playing instead of a DJ doing his damn job. So how can you really be worth anything more than 3 figures??? YOU SUCK! I can't see anyone actually paying you real money. I think you work of the barter system. You DJ at the club and in exchage they give you free food and drinks. Anybody that pays you money has to be desperate! Hell I can put CDs in a multichanger and press random and put out a better mix than you! I hope you have a day job.