Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Chuck Norris Facts Pt. 2

Chuck Norris does not Teabag the ladies, he Potato-Sacks them.

Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

There is no Control button on Chuck Norris' computer. Chuck Norris is always in control.

People invented the car to get away from Chuck Norris......... so Chuck Norris invented the car accident.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Chuck Norris ALWAYS wins a game of Connect Four in three moves or less.

The only iPhone that didn't dare to have antenna problems, was Chuck Norris' iPhone5.

Chuck doesn't do push -ups, he pushes the earth down.

Chuck Norris once went to Burger King to "Have it his Way" and left with a pizza.

Chuck Norris can kick a fart back into your ass.

Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.

There's no such thing as tornadoes, Chuck Norris just doesn't like trailer parks.

Chuck Norris doesn't breathe. Air hides in his lungs for protection.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Chuck Norris once broke a mirror on a black cat under a ladder on Friday the thirteenth. That was the day he won the lottery.

Chuck Norris swallowed a Rubik's Cube and pooped it out solved.

Chuck Norris ALWAYS wins a game of Connect Four in three moves or less.

Chuck Norris was once a weatherman but was fired for always predicting a 100% chance of pain.

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its descendants are known today as Giraffes.

Cops slow down when they pass Chuck Norris.

Ozzy Osbourne once bit the head off a bat. Not to be outdone Chuck Norris bit the head off Batman.

Q. What do you get when you cross Chuck Norris with a chicken? A: A roundhouse kick to the face....cause nobody crosses Chuck Norris.

When Chuck Norris goes to bed he dosent get some sleep, Sleep gets some Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can actually say the word "nigga" and get away with it.

He, who laughs last, laughs best. He who laughs at Chuck Norris dies.

Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.

Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.

Chuck Norris likes his ice like he likes his skulls: crushed.

Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA.

Behind every successful man, there is a woman. Behind every dead man, there is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris is the only man who has, literally, beaten the odds. With his fists.

Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris brushes his teeth with a mixture of iron shavings, industrial paint remover, and wood-grain alcohol.

Chuck Norris doesn’t daydream. He’s too busy giving other people nightmares.

Chuck Norris CAN believe it’s not butter.

Chuck Norris is the reason why waldo is hiding.

Chuck Norris didnt cry when he was born. Only the doctor did...never slap Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris makes onions cry!

Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked a McDonalds and it became a Burger King.

Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

One day Chuck Norris looked in the mirror and said "No one outstares Chuck!" He is still there to this day.

Chuck Norris' cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.

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